Why I am so Thankful for Mama Annabelle and Dan

June 2023

There is an old expression that most people heard many times before that says, “we don't appreciate something (or someone) until its gone”. Depending on the value of what was lost that statement can be very powerful and impacting to the ones experienced the loss.

Sitting in a country restaurant one Saturday morning I was thinking about Mama Annabelle. I was pondering about the fact that I was completely clueless that one of the most valuable person was sitting right in front of me who will later on affect my entire life for eternity. Although its been almost 8 years since her passing in 2015 as I look back it still brings me deep sorrow that I was not there for her to give the true fellowship she was yearning for in God's people. Sadly I was too proud and too self righteous to be that kind of company.

I had no idea how precious mama was. A woman of humility and very hospitable. I remember that late spring afternoon when Dan introduced me to her. I felt so welcomed in her home that I was comfortable in calling her mama right away. There she was sitting on her recliner with a very warm personality. She had a glow in her countenance with great contentment. She was also very assured in the Lord that the unknown future of anyone who visit were in God's hands. Of course I didn't think like that at that time. I was very much consumed with my self. I had no idea that I was about to witness a true christian that's walking in reality of how God wants them to live in these end times, a life that was absolutely foreign to me.

Mama had such a walk with God that her number one priority was to be pleasing to Him hour by hour of every day. She was so sensitive to not grieve the Spirit of God. And when she felt something was going contrary to God's ways in her and around her, she loved God so much that she would cry out to Him on how to deal with the situation God's way until His peace was restored. She walk so softly before the Lord that anyone around her would feel God's presence and the fear of the Lord in her midst. Mama was such a precious servant of the Lord a truly gift from God. She was rare and unique in her sensitivity and deep relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ.

Mama's affection was so set on eternal things. Her heart was bound for the Kingdom of God and not this earthly life. I remember so clearly one time we were at the supper table and mama was simply expressing her desire for the Lord Jesus to come back very very soon so this corrupt earthly life could end and she'd be with the Lord in His Kingdom. I babbled a response that sounded 'good' and spiritual. At that time I did not understand why mama contradicted what I said but looking back, she was absolutely right. My response was out of my religious pride that testified that I was absolutely not ready for the Lord to come back. Mama was right with God and at peace with Him that caused her to have a longing for the Lord's return. Obviously I was not ready for Jesus' return nor was I even in the right path to be ready.

Very sadly, as I look back in those early years of my time here. I can only weep many times in sorrow for what I have been in despising the life that mama had. Instead of bowing my heart towards the real God and the Lord Jesus Christ that she walked with, but rather held on to what I thought to be real but in actuality I was completely wrong. Mama was such an honest woman. I remember one morning, just a few days in my visit she tenderly told me that Dan mentioned to her that I was in bondage. Certainly I did not believe that at that time.

The next four years from 2010, without asking questions or inquiring about the reality of my true spiritual condition, I've learned to adjust, conform, perform and profess the right words and actions in order to fit in. I was digging deeper the very pit of delusion that I was already in prior to meeting mama. I was putting the cart before the horse, changing and adjusting, learning and conforming to Christianity instead of coming forth in life by laying the foundation of conviction, repentance, and coming to the end of myself, embracing the true meaning of the Cross and letting it completely disintegrate my entire version of life and Christianity.

When mama's health was somewhat rapidly going from bad to worse between the latter part of 2014 and mid 2015 the Lord used her to begin a process of exposing my religion of pride. A process that I hated at that time but later on would be eternally grateful. Even in her weakness God was using her so mightily more than anyone could ever comprehend. It was a dark moment in mama's life as she battled with cancer, which would only lead to her appointed time to be with her wonderful Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God was sovereign and wise in His ways, the Lord took mama as she finished her race to perfection in His perfect will and timing.

Even though mama never had true fellowship with me because of my spirit of error and refusal to be saved God's Way, there's so many words to say that testifies to her life as I now look back from a whole entirely different perspective. How I wish I could share with her my testimony of salvation, as she delighted to express the phrase, ‘being born in Zion’! Obviously she was no longer here to have seen the spiritual fruit of what she sowed. She planted the seeds of truth in my stony heart of unfallowed ground. And that's where Dan's life and ministry operated in such an important role. Dan put his hand on a sharp edged plow into my hard heart that would eventually crack it open until I finally accept the precious truths that God so patiently waited for me to accept in my heart. I can see and deeply appreciate so much the operation of God's gifts in both mama and Dan as one sowed and one watered and God gave the increase and brought forth Life in due time. What an amazing demonstration of God's grace!

Further Testimony To The Grace And Mercy Of God.

I remember when mama and the rest of the family went to meet with Dan in the hospital for a very important kidney treatment. Being alone in the house, I decided to go ahead and make my move that I've strongly planned even before my visit. Having been here for over a month at that time there was no one around to cause me to hesitate. It must have been around 10:00 in the morning, my bags were out the door in seconds because my clothes were never unpacked in the first place. I got my main baggage in my vehicle and lastly exited the house and walked away and never thought of ever coming back. As I placed my last baggage in the truck, I had a strong thought in my mind asking myself. “What if I'll end up regretting what I am doing right now”. Somehow fear gripped my heart as I pondered about what I was doing. It was obviously a fear that was stronger than my desire to leave at that moment. I quickly placed my belongings right back in the house.
Being too coward to tell anyone about the situation, I decided to just begrudgingly stick around. As days and weeks passed, I was still very much driven to leave. However, before I could plot another method to get away, mama had a burden to tell me that I should find work at the local McDonald's. I remember Dan approaching me at the dining table one morning about mama's burden from the Lord. Within a few short days I was a maintenance man at McDonald's.

Very sadly I used my position at work for my own gain. My religious pride and my bible knowledge was my foundation of 'Christianity' thinking I was glorifying God in my success at work for over four years. I thank God so much for mama's faithfulness to walk in the Spirit, because without her I would've continued in my religious delusion and eventually would've ran away from the opportunity to receive the mercy and grace that God wanted me to experience that would lead to my repentance. Mamma and Dan pointed me to the Cross that opened my eyes to the reality of the lost soul that I was realizing that my so called life of 'Christianity' was ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS in comparison to the One who shed His Precious Blood for me. In all of my religious 'christian' life of 21 years I have never known such an amazing grace until I met the Savior for the first time in the summer of 2017! As I sit in this restaurant where I first had breakfast with mama back in June 2010. I cannot help but weep and tremble writing this testimony (Early June 2023) in sorrow and grief for what I have done to mama Annabelle and what I was as an enemy to the Lord Jesus Christ whom she served, loved and adored.

I am so thankful for God's grace in helping me to go deeper in repentance as the Lord continues to bring memories, convictions, chastisements and discipline through painful trials and afflictions in my life. I have learned that going through the painful disciplines of God is not very pleasant at all, but because of the goodness of God that I've experienced in those dark seasons it makes me so deeply thankful for those trials. To name a few songs that Dan played on the guitar many times, 'Take me Through Another Trial' and the song ‘Through the Tests’ brings to my heart a completely whole new meaning that can only be learned by painful experiences in those whose hearts are yearning! Honestly, until the most recent week or two I am finally seeing the reality of how important and valuable mama was and how wrong I was towards her. I guess when you're going through a certain valley, God's able to get your attention and look at things from a different perspective and see them for what they really are in your heart.

Although it is impossible for me to bring back the years I've lost to be a blessing and a servant to mama. I can only weep as I open my heart to every opportunities of repentance along the way as I press on forward trusting in God's redeeming grace to bring forth the fruit He desires.

I did not realize let alone appreciate what I had until she was gone. Mama was there for me, ready to be the most faithful spiritual mother to raise me in Zion. She was always there ready to help anyone to come forth in all of God's best for them. Mama gave her life so generously until she no longer had anymore to give. What a precious valuable gift she was! I truly miss both mama and Dan very much to this very moment and I am forever so grateful to God for allowing me to have crossed their path that led me to face the Lamb whom I crucified yet had mercy on me, the Most Precious One who died for me, The Lord Jesus Christ!

Bro. Joey