A Testimony About Dan's Life (Part 2)

Nov. 11, 2023

This morning I had some thoughts on this memorable day that were like a ton of bricks in my heart causing me to crumble and weep concerning Dan. I am so thankful to God for allowing such a special brother to be born in this world and have become an instrument of truth and love in helping others find their way to the Savior. I was pondering about that week of his birthday back in 2021, I remember we didn't do birthdays anymore in terms of buying stuff and making it a big deal. But remembering how I felt that week, I had a real desire in my heart to give something to Dan on his birthday. I remember like a little boy joyously but soberly running up to Friendship Book Store up in Burnham. I felt it was the Lord that put a heart of gratitude and appreciation for him and express it in a simple card and a gift. Later on in the month towards thanksgiving, he was strong enough to prepare us an elaborate, traditional Old Fashion Thanksgiving supper as always. Little did anyone know that November was his last Birthday and last Thanksgiving.

As I look in the rear view mirror over this past year, one of the major things that I personally learned was to expect, anticipate, and embrace suffering. I've never understood this reality before but painful experiences taught me that it is such an integral and critical mark that God puts upon the lives of His children. And as I was thinking about Dan's life, a true born again child of God, it beacame so real to me concerning the lives of those who are truly saved according to His path of Salvation. All throughout Old and New Testament and throughout Church history were men and women who were marked with loneliness, sufferings, rejections, and scourging, and were afflicted with sorrow, weeping and pain. Most of all it is the nature in which the Shepherd of their souls lived and walked in.

Dan faithfully served The Lord Jesus Christ and suffered all the way to the end. I remember telling someone after Dan's passing that one of the most repeated songs he sang in his paltalk program were songs like “Streams in the Desert” and “In Acceptance Lieth Peace” and several others. He wrote songs like “Lord, Don't Let Me Go” and “In The Heat of The Battle”. I was delighted to discover from one of his passed audio messages telling his listeners that he wrote the song he just sang in the Bible study program that night, “Nothing Can Divide Us” (from His Love). I was seeing a pattern that was anything but foreign in the lives of God's remnant believers. I can never forget when he shared with us that he went to see the Passion Of The Christ movie numerous times for a whole week or so. He was in deep pain, a dark valley, and desperation that was driving him to the only One who understood what he was going through, and the only One who was able to console him in his deep spiritual bankruptcy and poverty. Kind a reminds me of the song he often played in his car, ‘No one ever cared for me like Jesus’. I actually looked up the story behind that song which would deeply touch a brother or sister in Christ who's company is among those who have been scourged, chastised and painfully corrected and disciplined by God. Dan knew that If God Himself became a man and sacrificed Himself for the sins of the whole world, he knew that there was nothing too difficult for Jesus to deliver him from all of his troubles. He had a revelation of the work of God on the Cross. He ran to the Cross where Jesus sacrificed Himself out of His love for him. That is what reverberates and resonates in the hearts of genuine cross carrying believers. I've never had an iota of understanding in my heart when Dan would mention about having a deep appreciation for what Jesus had done for us on the Cross. It took a very long time for my stubborn heart to finally see what he was trying so hard to point me to. Today, because of his faithfulness and by God's grace, I found no other reason to breath except to only live and die for the One who died for me.

Certainly Dan was by no means a perfect man. But I'm learning that that is not the point. I personally learned that God is more concerned about the fruit He can produce through godly suffering that causes brokenness and contrition which purges and purifies as they respond with a humble attitude instead of victimhood. Only then, God gets all the credit and the glory He deserves in the sanctification of His children. He wasn't perfect but Dan's life was a testimony of change through suffering that caused him deep pain and anguish, compelling him to cry out to the Lord in desperation. It manifested in his songs, the songs from others (Dan's Driving Music 3) that touched him and in his over all life of deep appreciation for what God has done for him and for who He is as a merciful, gracious and awesome God. The same awesome God who allowed all this temporal pain for Dan's eternal good. Those sufferings changed his affections that caused him to hate this life, to loathe, struggle, fight and hate his own fleshly life, to hate this world and not love it. Godly suffering has helped him enlarge his heart for the real Life to come. He truly had a godly hatred for this temporal life and the cares of it. Not just the evil things but even any ‘good’ and 'innocent' things that competes, hinders and divides his heart from the One who gave it all for him. Dan's fellowship in Christ's suffering was causing him to be more identified with Eternal Life fulfilling God's Redemptive plan in his own personal life. When a work of God's grace and mercy becomes so real in ones life and see it in others I cannot help but be thankful not just on Thanksgiving Day but every day because of what the Lord has done.

Again I am very thankful to the Lord that He allowed Dan to be born and have personally met him and become my precious brother. I remember one day, feeling that he could pass away any moment in one very dark afternoon in December 2021. I've never felt such love for a brother sobbing uncontrollably as I fell on my knees at work. I guess when you finally see the slavery, the bondage and the deep pit that you have fallen in for so many years and someone comes along and lay their life down to give you a hand and points you to God's indescribable Gift of freedom and redemption, it does something to you that only the Lord Jesus Christ Himself can do. As mentioned at the beginning of this page, Dan being an instrument of God to help people find their way to the Savior. It is indeed something to be thankful and eternally grateful for especially because in our age of deep deception it makes it horribly difficult for people to find true repentance that leads to salvation. And yet Dan paid the price to help others, even the most undeserved wretched worm like me.

I am thankful and glad that the Lord put it in my heart to bless Dan on what I didn't know was his last birthday. The testimony he left behind is so real to me every day. God used Dan as a means of grace for my own Salvation in Jesus Christ. There's not a single day passes by that I don't think of this brother and servant of the Lord. God's grace is truly amazing!

Whenever I think about his final days and hours that week of December 2021, deep remorse and regret begins to crush my heart over and over knowing that I didn't do enough for him. As grieving and sorrowful as it is realizing that I could've done more for him especially in his time of struggle and suffering; at the same time I know that it is not a condemning thing but as a part of living in Godly sorrow that brings lessons from the past that exhorts me to keep pressing on! I'm thankful as it brings forth mournful joy that comes out from deep conviction and repentance. I am sure that those of us whose been deeply touched by Dan's life will want to continue to be faithful to the Lord in walking out the precious gems and treasures that God allowed him to leave behind. Surely Dan is counted among those who loved not their lives.